Thursday, March 1, 2012

Why I’m Scared of the Zombie Apocalypse

Or any apocalypse really, let’s face it there will be things none of us are prepared to give up when the end comes. I’ve talked about having a survival plan for the apocalypse (given the whole world isn’t set on fire or taken in a series of tsunamis) without being some crazy “doomsday prepper” but no matter how much you prep there are going to be things we run out of or things we don’t want to have to deal with. That is what I’m terrified of.

1. The day we run out of toilet paper. This wasn’t something I had ever thought about until a friend told me she planned to hoard all of it when we start to get the warning signs. Toilet paper! Can you imagine not having toilet paper anymore?!

2. Feminine products – I’m being discreet here for the guys, but guys, you should be afraid of this too. I cannot imagine the anger and rending of flesh that will happen when the women realize we need to start raiding the feminine products aisle in the store. When we run out of these products it really will be the apocalypse.

3. The day the only things not yet molded or gone to mush are Twinkies and McDonald’s food.

4. The day we run out of coffee. What a sad, sad day that will be.

5. The first time I accidently swallow gasoline when I try to syphon some.

6. The day I can no longer charge my ebook reader – I mean I’m not going to be able to cart hundreds of books around with me so an ebook would be the best option, right? But what if we don’t have a generator?! The dude in The Book of Eli was able to charge his MP3 player… we have to figure this out.

7. No more hair dye. I know, as soon as the shit hits the fan, whenever my last touch up was, that will have been my last touch up. I will no longer have my loverly red hair and I will be sad about it.

8. If it is a zombie apocalypse, that fish are contaminated. If we follow popular belief then this will be a disease passed through saliva so couldn’t it be water born? Wouldn’t that affect fish? And WATER?! I suck at science so this is just me freaking out.

9. Having to kill my own food. If someone brings me an already dead and skinned animal, I can break it down in my kitchen and not blink an eye, but the thought of having to gun down, or arrow down, an animal and see the life fade from its eyes just upsets me so much! I know being a vegetarian might not be practical in that situation, I just hope I don’t have to do the killing.

10. If it is a zombie apocalypse then my biggest fear would be having to kill my husband if he’s bitten. We have a pact to kill the other if they are bitten, but that doesn’t mean I’ll want to.

Dude, the apocalypse is going to be a bitch.


Anonymous said...

LMAO, so awesome! I hadn't thought about COFFEEEEEE! Noooooooo! I think I better find a way to embalm it ... or something. (Embalmed coffee? I think I need a nap.)

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